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Women with Man Hands Are a Different Breed

February 19th, 2009

Urban Dictionary states:
jillian-man-hands-from-seinfeld
1. Man hands
(n) Phrase to describe a woman’s hands when they are ‘less than feminine’.
From the TV Show Seinfeld

“She’s got man hands!”

2. Man hands
When a woman’s hands are large, swollen, and very masculate. Coined by the Television show “Seinfeld”

“That bitch ain’t givin’ me a hand job, she got man hands!”

I never realized that women could have man hands. I always thought this was a fictitious myth popularized by Seinfeld. Or any woman with man hands was a boxer, weightlifter, basketball player or lobster cracker at Joe’s Crab Shack.sideshowbob1

Then I met a woman with ginormous man hands. It was unbelievable. This lady was a giant; her hands where the size of Side-Show Bob’s feet, you would’ve thought she headlined the circus. Her fingers looked like my big toe on gout.

I would watch in amazement as she shoveled popcorn and peanuts into her trap like a backhoe scooping dirt.  She would also crack her knuckles all the time.  When she cracked her knuckles I had to duck and cover because it sounded like a drive-by shooting.

By far the worst thing I witnessed was her trimming her nails.  I wish I had video of this atrocity.  I watched in shock as this herculean sawed her nails off with industrial sized scissors. There was shrapnel flying everywhere as her nails rocketed off of her meat-hooks like a landmine exploding.

It’s safe to say a career as a hand model is unlikely. She’s no JP Prewitt.

J.P. Prewitt: “I’m a hand model, mama. A finger jockey. We think differently than the face and body boys… we’re a different breed.” – Zoolander

Here’s a celebrman hands:

**The person in this story looked nothing like Uma.

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  1. Lazlo
    February 19th, 2009 at 21:57 | #1

    Hahahahaha! The way you described that beast I feel like I’ve met her. I get jealous when women have bigger, stronger, more mainly hands than me. And I am a big dude! Nice job

  2. February 20th, 2009 at 08:24 | #2

    This person sounds horrible.

  3. Leslie
    February 20th, 2009 at 09:43 | #3

    I’ve met her and I concur! You forgot to mention her love for pointing with her ginormous middle finger and constantly gesturing about with those paws. I think it must have been a diversionary tactic to stun the listener. Who knows might be just me?

  1. February 19th, 2009 at 22:15 | #1