Obama Wants Cubs Manager to Step Down
President Barack Obama, fresh off his “firing” of General Motor’s CEO Rich Wagoner, has apparently become drunk with power. From his hotel in Europe, Obama made a call to Chicago Cubs skipper, Lou Pinella, and asked him to step down from his post. The President feels that the Cubs have no shot at winning the World Series with Uncle Lou at the helm.
This unwarranted request has Cubs fans all over the world in an uproar. As most people know, (mostly because it was shoved down America’s collective throats the day Obama made his presence felt at the 2004 Democratic National Convention) Obama was an Illinois senator and is a huge fan of the Chicago White Sox. The fact that he is a fan of the South-side scumbags and is meddling with the Cubs, has Northsiders scratching their heads.
Of course, with his all knowing wisdom, Obama assumed there would be backlash and promises Cubs fans that he has the best interest of Cubs fans and the city of Chicago at heart. Obama was quoted as saying, “The black half of my racial makeup understands what it is like to go through difficult times, so I can relate to what the Cubs have gone through these past 101 years. 2009 has been a historic year and I want to keep that magic going by helping the Cubs break their curse and win the World Series in 2009. Unfortunately, I don’t think current manager, Lou Pinella is the right guy to make this happen. And since I am always right, I suggest he step down immediately.”
Pinella was available for comments after a Cubs pre-season game in Arizona and was asked what he thinks of the President’s request. “That uh…Obama kid….he’s a…a….a…good kid,”, Pinella said, “but if he thinks he is going to bully me into stepping down as manager, he can suck the snotty end of my f*%kstick. He needs to keep his White Sox-loving nose out of this one.”
Allegedly, Obama has a list of at least 10 people he thinks should replace Pinella and take the Cubs to the promise land. Unfortunately, more than half of them have already had to decline the nomination due to tax problems and legal issues.
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