The Boston Red Sox and die-hard Red Sox fan/horror novelist, Stephen King, have come to an agreement to allow King to turn Fenway’s fabled Green Monster into a “REAL Green Monster”.

King will pay $3 million dollars out of his own pocket to give a face to the Green Monster. The agreement is reportedly only for the 2009 season.

“Until the 2 recent championships, the only scary thing in Boston was that my Red Sox hadn’t won the World Series in 86 years.”, explained King , “Now that they are champions they seem to have lost their edge. Left field’s Green Monster has always been an imposing structure for visiting teams, but its just a big green wall. I am happy that the Red Sox are allowing me to bring my brand of horror to Fenway.”

King went through several designs, many of which focused on images that he thought would specifically scare or distract the rival Yankees (ex. a picture of Kevin Youkilis wearing nothing but Jason Giambi’s golden thong, a picture of money being flushed down a toilet, the recent picture of A-Rod kissing his own mirrored image, and the clown for “IT”) Inevitably, King went to what he knows best and created a creepy green creature that appears to stare down batters at the plate with an evil and ominous grin.

Boston is also considering adding a voice to the monster, having it scream or say something “comically scary” [says an unidentified Sox staff member] in between innings to entertain the fans.

This sounds like a wicked dumb idea to me!

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Alex Rodiguez AKA A-Rod eerrr Gay-Rod takes the prize for Jackass of the Week.   This guy has completely lost his marbles…steroids, Madonna, the New York media.  Something tells me he wouldn’t be as crazy as a shit house rat if he was playing ball in Texas or Seattle.

Gay-Rod is only a little bit vain…

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So now it is confirmed that Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids several years ago. Nobody should be surprised. We all know that A-Rod, Sosa, Big Mac, Giambi, and Bonds have all used Steroids…this story is actually getting kind of boring.

Only 2 things can make the MLB Steroid scandal more exciting and worth listening to.

#1). Actual action is taken against these abusers. Sure, MLB has instituted a steroid policy that bans players from the game for ‘x’ number of games depending on how many times they’ve been caught. GREAT! We’ve also seen McGuire not make the Hall of Fame (mostly) due to his steroid abuse. AWESOME! And now Bonds might get snagged for lying to Congress. SUPER! But, this isn’t enough. Anybody who has been caught should be banned from MLB for life, banned from the Hall of Fame for life, make full public apologies to the fans, have ALL their records stricken from the record books, and if they are active players…they are not only banned immediately, but they don’t get any more money remaining on their contract. To me, this still isn’t enough. Anybody else have ideas?

#2). GET BUD! Bud Selig, MLBs commissioner and Crypt Keeper look-a-like must be held accountable for the steroid era. Yes, the players are the ones who made the decisions to inject themselves, but it is obvious that Selig (and MLB) KNEW about the steroid abuse running rampant in in his sport and chose to turn a blind eye to it–at least until the government decided to step in. It is no coincidence that shortly after the baseball strike in 1994, that players started to look like monsters and superheroes. Selig needed to find a way to bring America’s Favorite Past-time back into the dedicated hearts of baseball loving Americans and found it with Steroids.

It worked! Look how baseball exploded with the Big Mac-Sosa home run extravaganza. I admit, even though I have always been a die hard Cubs fan, I’ve never been more of an overall fan of “baseball” than that year. And it was all conceived by and endorsed by Bud Selig. Now that the steroid era is coming to an end and players are starting to take the fall, it is important for all involved to make sure they take the ringleader down with them.

Who is with me?!?!??! I’ll grab the pitchfork and torches…you bring the beer!

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