Our nation’s youth has found a new mind-altering method that doesn’t require the use of illegal substances. It is starting to become HUGE at college campuses and is starting to trickle into high schools and junior highs. It’s called Fartching, (other names include Steaming, Fogging, and the Armenian Steambath).

What is Fartching?

Fartching is the act of farting in a hot, steamy, preferably small-sized shower while inhaling the stinky, toxic fumes, sending the participant into a ’stoned-like’ daze. The high can last up to 10 minutes, as the smell almost seems to stick to the hot steam and intensify as it floats up through your nostrils and all around your body.  Active Fartchers have described the high as a sensational, euphoric feeling that starts in your brain and travels all throughout your body. College students have been known to cram into a small shower, with up to 6-7 students at once, all armed and ready to take part in this unique drug craze.

Can You Get Stoned from a Fart?

The answer is NO. What is really happening is that a Fartcher is actually getting dizzy from minor hyperventalation causing the mind altering state. While deeply breathing in the fumes, the Fartcher isn’t getting the oxygen the brain needs to funtion properly. That–in addition to the various amounts of nitrogen, hydrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, and methane gas that are released from our bodies when we ‘do a stinky’–cause the euphoric sensations.

All over the country, grocery stores have seen a huge spike in sales of chili beans and fiber pills. New Orleans Piggly Wiggly owner, Paul Munson, speculates that this abnormal rise in sales [of beans and fiber products] is a direct result of the growing popularity of Fartching. “I think the abnormal rise in sales [of beans and fiber products] is a direct result of the growing popularity of Fartching.”, declares Munson.

Prevention

How do we stop our children from starting or continuing to Fartch? Keep showers to 5 minutes or less, make sure your children take a shower after they go poop, and finally and most importantly, talk to them about the dangers of Fartching.

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Band: Steel Panther

If you are still jonesing for 80’s hair metal and the only thing you have to hang on to is watching Bret Michaels have sex with pig-sluts on Rock of Love, then have I got something for you. Imagine taking Poison or Motley Crue and mixing them with a dirty, filthy, sex-crazed “Weird Al” Yankovic, you’d come up with Steel Panther!

For more on Steel Panther and to sample some of their other songs, check out their myspace page here.

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