Your Own…Personal…Midget…
Am I the only one who thinks the midg-girl is hot?
The title says it all. Just imagine, having a personal midget assistant that followed you every where you went and did everything you asked.
Why a midget and not a full grown human? Well for one, he would be less obtrusive and at 6’2″, I wouldn’t have to worry about him blocking my view at sporting events. Oh, and uh….it’d be funny! Now, I understand that midgets are people, too…so I would pay him handsomely and treat him with as much respect as any celebrity treats their assistants, probably even better, because midgets are special people and I am a nice guy.
I would have my personal midget assistant (PMA) do all the normal things assistants do like; set up appointments, run errands, fetch me toilet paper rolls out of the cabinet under the sink when I run out. Things like that.
Of course, I would have him do some “out of the ordinary” tasks, as well. I’d have him following me around dressed as the mythical creature Pan (shirtless with horns and goat legs) and write down my thoughts as I spill my brain onto his wee little paper notebook and then, of course, have him recite them back to me as I deem necessary.
I’d have him steal drinks for me at bars as I distract the bartender with old high school football stories or use him as a decoy to pick-pocket people in crowded areas. “Hey look over there, everybody…it’s a midget!“ YOINK!
Whenever I am feeling sad or depressed I’d have him do the Lollipop Guild shtick from Wizard of Oz or dress him up like Yoda and throw pieces of bologna at him. Or even have him act out nursery rhymes as little one-man shows. That’d cheer me up for sure.
Ok…so I am starting to disrespect my PMA a little bit…but remember he is making big bucks to help me out. I’d make it worth his while.
I’d have him put on my socks and tie my shoes and serve little cooked sausages to my friends. My PMA would clean up after an evening of Cinemax and act as a tackling dummy for my 2 year old son. I may even have him scratch my nuts when I’m in public…since I’ve frequently been told it is rude and disgusting to do so.
While he is following me around, I’d have him create and play a kazoo-styled theme song, based on my mood for the day. Hey, I’d even let him create his own song for when I am just standing around doing nothing.
I’ve really just scratched the surface here of what my PMA would do. If I ever become rich enough to afford this service, a Personal Midget Assistant is a no-brainer.
It just makes sense….don’t you think?
Loading ...