Twitter is the hottest thing on the Internet right now and everybody and their mother is on it tweeting about their lives. Gus checked it out and guess what…IT SUCKS! But, PEOPLE are DUMB, thus the success of Twitter.

 Here are my Top 5 Reasons Twitter Sucks (in no particular order): 

• Nobody gives a shit what I am doing every minute of every day. Do you REALLY need to know that I am watching Dumbo right now or that for lunch I am planning on eating a bowl of tuna salad with cucumbers, celery, and sour cream & cheddar potato chips crumbled in? NO! (Try it…it tastes good!)
• I don’t give a shit what P.Diddy, Ashton Kutcher, or John Mayer are doing every minute of every day. These 3 clowns seem to be the biggest celebrity Tweeters. I don’t care if you just got back from a 4-hour work out or that you are about to go on another vacation to Belize.
• The thousands and thousands of fans that follow these celebrities, continue to feed into their already overly inflated egos. You people are PATHETIC!
• Those who aren’t celebrities are just on the site for self-promotion, free advertising, and Search Engine Optimization (SEO). These people start to follow thousands of people in hopes to have thousands of people follow them back. Sounds good in theory, but here is the rub. If you are sending or receiving tweets from thousands of people a day…nobody is looking at your tweets. Unless there are shitheads who sit on Twitter all day and actually read everyone’s posts and click on their links, Twitter is not a successful marketing tool. Sure the SEO might help, but big deal.
• The Twitter lingo: Twitter, Tweets, Tweetdecks, Twizzle, Twat. Call it what you want, it all sucks a dick.

There are only 2 good things about Twitter:

1. It is another online source for free, fresh porn. Pornstars are sending tweets to their latest photo shoot pics. And smut mags and porn sites are always sending links to hot babes with big boobies. I can get behind that.
2. It is very easy to follow Gus the Donkey on Twitter! Just sign up for Twitter and follow nothingRelevant!

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